Sleepless nites lost in what might have beens,
Too afraid to reach out and start over again.
Wondering what in the world happen to me,
Trying to be the person who other people see.
Staring off into space, what in the world will I do?
Never being myself, around those I want to.
Time spent writing, that is never a waste.
Wanting the life I had, or just a small taste.
Confusing words pour from my shattered mine.
Looking for reflections from another time.
I was happy once, am I really any less now?
Everything just seems weird having no one around,
Now I lay me down to sleep, pray for dreams instead of nightmares,
Telling no one, because while they are there, can I be sure they care…….
Okay so i have not written in a few years and i guess you could say i am very rusty. But this is the first draft of something that came to the top of my head.
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Just another day living in the hood.......
So…..I am retarded. I lost my password to my blog here. I have been meaning to post on it, for no better reason then venting helps sometime. Not that I am venting as much as rambling, but that is helpful too sometimes.
SOOO, my sister is Prego again. Not like the spaghetti sauce. But you know knocked up. And not the funny knocked up with the frizzy haired guy. Anyway more to the point she is with child. And she is cranky. This is not her normal, the whole world is out to get her so she has to be mad at it. She is snapping at any and everything too many times a day for me to count. I am not use to seeing my sister in a constant state of pissed off. Yes over the years I have watched her become more and more mad at everything, but this just seems wrong to me. I am happy-go-lucky, and she use to laugh at me and with me about stuff. But I can not honestly pinpoint when the last time I saw her honestly smile was. I shall think of something sooner or later that will probably make it worse, but atleast I will be trying to make her happy. I enjoy making people laugh.
OH, Oh, oh. I start School on Monday. It is nothing spectacular just DeVry, but I am glad I finally am trying to put some part of my fractured life back together. It is nothing like I thought I would be going to school for, and maybe not even something I thought I would wanna do with my life, but sooner or later you just have to grow up and know that maybe you just weren’t that good at writing, or singing, or any of the other things you thought you might have a shot in the world with. And then you have to settle for what is practical…….
SOOO, my sister is Prego again. Not like the spaghetti sauce. But you know knocked up. And not the funny knocked up with the frizzy haired guy. Anyway more to the point she is with child. And she is cranky. This is not her normal, the whole world is out to get her so she has to be mad at it. She is snapping at any and everything too many times a day for me to count. I am not use to seeing my sister in a constant state of pissed off. Yes over the years I have watched her become more and more mad at everything, but this just seems wrong to me. I am happy-go-lucky, and she use to laugh at me and with me about stuff. But I can not honestly pinpoint when the last time I saw her honestly smile was. I shall think of something sooner or later that will probably make it worse, but atleast I will be trying to make her happy. I enjoy making people laugh.
OH, Oh, oh. I start School on Monday. It is nothing spectacular just DeVry, but I am glad I finally am trying to put some part of my fractured life back together. It is nothing like I thought I would be going to school for, and maybe not even something I thought I would wanna do with my life, but sooner or later you just have to grow up and know that maybe you just weren’t that good at writing, or singing, or any of the other things you thought you might have a shot in the world with. And then you have to settle for what is practical…….
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Too long, too gone.......
Well this is the first time i have really ever doen anything like this so i think it only fair i say a little about myself first. I am a 28 year old kid. I do not mean that i am young, i just mean most think of me that way because of the way i look and act. I was married for a few years, but it did not work out no matter how much i tried, or wanted it to. I guess marriage should be more about love then lust. Who knew. Right now i am living with my sister and brother-in-law. A big reason for this is i use to be this hugely confident guy. I never had trouble getting girls to like me, or just going out and having a good time. After my divorce that pretty much all changed. I am afraid to really talk to anyone any more. Not because they might think i am some huge asshole, but because i really have nothing to offer anyone besides me right now.....and who wants that right?
Not much happens in my life really anymore. I am addicted to a game. Yep a game. I know all the cool kids are doing the drugs, but i can just be someone else in the game. Someone i like. All through High School i was what could be considered a closet Nerd. I collected comic books, trading cards, and other things i was too ashamed to let anyone else know about. That has pretty much followed me into my adulthood. Sometimes i wish i could be more like the old me, but then again i like my new friends who are also hooked on the same game. Even though 3 years ago or so i would not have even talked to them, now they fit into my life just fine......sad yet? It is okay i will wait for you to get a tissue before i go on.
I have a little niece who i adore. She is so cute, and always wanting to be just like me. When i get a poptart she has to have one. If i am drinking something she has to have it too. I am starting to think she is my little shadow, and that might be great since i am not sure i will ever venture out there and find the girl of my dreams.....last one messed me up pretty bad and even though i never show emotions, which i should probably see someone about sooner or later, it still hurts that i put so much into something and came out of it on the wrong end. And by wrong end i mean thousands and thousands of dollars of debt that was all in my name, which i agreed to keep since i was a sucker.
My friend had suggested i write a blog, cause it helps get things out and she might be right. Just not sure if this is all for me and such. Who knows i might stick with it, turn my life around, get back to looking what i looked liked a while ago and have a family some day. Or i might just turn off the computer go to bed. Get up do the same exact shit i did today and then keep on with the lame life i have right now........tune in tommorrow and see.
Not much happens in my life really anymore. I am addicted to a game. Yep a game. I know all the cool kids are doing the drugs, but i can just be someone else in the game. Someone i like. All through High School i was what could be considered a closet Nerd. I collected comic books, trading cards, and other things i was too ashamed to let anyone else know about. That has pretty much followed me into my adulthood. Sometimes i wish i could be more like the old me, but then again i like my new friends who are also hooked on the same game. Even though 3 years ago or so i would not have even talked to them, now they fit into my life just fine......sad yet? It is okay i will wait for you to get a tissue before i go on.
I have a little niece who i adore. She is so cute, and always wanting to be just like me. When i get a poptart she has to have one. If i am drinking something she has to have it too. I am starting to think she is my little shadow, and that might be great since i am not sure i will ever venture out there and find the girl of my dreams.....last one messed me up pretty bad and even though i never show emotions, which i should probably see someone about sooner or later, it still hurts that i put so much into something and came out of it on the wrong end. And by wrong end i mean thousands and thousands of dollars of debt that was all in my name, which i agreed to keep since i was a sucker.
My friend had suggested i write a blog, cause it helps get things out and she might be right. Just not sure if this is all for me and such. Who knows i might stick with it, turn my life around, get back to looking what i looked liked a while ago and have a family some day. Or i might just turn off the computer go to bed. Get up do the same exact shit i did today and then keep on with the lame life i have right now........tune in tommorrow and see.
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